My name is Catherine, and I am a recouping enthusiastic dependent speculator. On this 29th January 2007, it's officially 10th year of my recovery process, but I will always remember my history with gambling addiction.
Betting enslavement took pretty much everything from me like family, companions, notoriety, occupations, my home, auto, practically my marriage and cost me far more than cash; it nearly cost me my life twice from suicide. Also, I wasn't aware I had psychological and psychiatric problems until some years later.
I felt depressed, frustrated and angry.
My Initial Effort To End My Life
I opened my eyes in a room at the hospital, I could feel my wrist wrapped up in bandages, I heard people talking about knives, but I lost conscious again. All I recall was everything going dull in nothingness. Recently, I have become aware of what caused that empty feeling; It was caused by a collapse of my nervous system. A total system failure. From that point I went to a compulsion/mental emergency focus.
I was under suicide supervision the first days in the clinic. A rehab specialist supervised my situation. Not to forget I was a gambler without self discipline as well. For my gambling addiction, I got help from an addictions counsellor.
I had endeavoured to quit betting all alone yet felt I could control it all alone and I fizzled with many backslides and gorges even while in outpatient treatment. I suppose I had not arrived at the lowest point yet.
Even after staying for 20 days in a crisis centre and a failed suicide!
What Was Wrong With Me?
it's known as DEPENDENCE It is an ailment that is really difficult to get over. But possible. My condition didn't end there.
In some years later, I tried to end my life not due to gambling specifically rather my imprudence relating to monetary issues, and this showed the flaws in the effort I put into getting better physically and mentally.
First lesson? A well-balanced recovery plan. But in 2006 I as well just required to be normal, live life in recuperation without having to take medications for psychological/emotional problems. I tried to survive without the pills and treatment sessions, I thought my sickness was caused by my gambling addiction that leads to PTSD, manic depression, mild mania anxiety and bipolar insomnia cycles and OCD. So, in a period of two weeks with no medications? I was back to intense depression and wanting to commit self-murder. The way I handled it by taking the pills at once dragged me back to the dark side of emptiness again.
Back in the healing centre once more, an additional 16-day emergency focus stay and days of suicide watch.
On my discharge from the hospital, I learnt an important lesson which is always to take my medicines to preserve my sanity and psychological welfare often regarded as a two-way diagnosis.
Challenges within the recovery process, with a little bit of belief, can enhance our horizon. We can't improve without imbibing many of the lessons we acquire in life. Even when you are not partaking in your preferred dependence, we can still have issues come up and life challenges in recovery, so being ready is very important.
Where Could This Piece Possible Lead To?
First, the usual behaviours when we struggle with the addiction needs to be cut and give ourselves a chance to really recover ourselves, believe that we can change the habits. Balance is the key in your recuperation way also. Learning the arts and implements in treatment and therapy to discontinue the repeated processes of addiction and clear a path for dispersing control, disavowal, justifications, and more.
The next step is understanding that the remedial process is a long term procedure. It is as crucial to accept as the first step.
And third, having a solid 'Relapse Prevention Plan' is essential for anyone who commences recovery and wants it for a relatively long period of time. We all understand that life situations take place. Indeed, even upbeat or positive occasions, not simply negative or terrible ones.
I feel it is the reason Gamblers Anonymous poses the question in our combo book of "The 20 Questions" to check whether you have an issue with betting. It is the reason they posture #19.) "Did you ever have a desire to commend any favourable luck by a couple of hours of betting?" YES! For me, notwithstanding when things great happened, I would need to celebrate by going as far as anyone knows to have some "enjoyment" by betting. At that time, my addiction toward gambling was so serious, I tried everything to control myself with, other than Gamblers Anonymous.
I utilized my gatherings and associations there for my support and tuning in to other similarly invested addicts and keep my point of view of how deceptive and crafty this disease is. GA told me that it is crucial for me to be right by other addicts' side during their recovery, because they need us just like when I needed others' supports.
There is a need for discussions about addictions instead of the silence associated with it. There is a need to demolish the delusions and fabricated stories around addictions. This is the shortest and easiest path to eliminate the shame often associated with the addicted and those on the path to recovery. It is undeniable that mental issues in recovery is a tough way to face, but I hope my story can be a light in the darkness for some people that almost lose their strength and hope that recovery can actually work. It is still possible for patients to have beautiful, happy live ahead.